Healing your ‘inner child’ may sound a bit unfamiliar to most of us. But where there is a problem; there is a solution. Each of us was once a child. And the child in every one of us did not just grow up or vanish. It is still there in us and gets covered by a different layer of growing up in various states and is finally replaced by an adult who are us today. The inner child with different growing-up layers look like Russian dolls. Every state of our life is still in us and the inner child is a core which decided who we are in a different state. Indeed, each of us may sometimes act very much like when we were young in our lives. For example, at the moment you have a temper tantrum with your husband or wife, it is like you had an outburst with your mum or dad when you were young, or had a butterfly feeling in your tummy like you were 5 years old child when you know that you will have a speech on the stage soon. Some of my clients confessed to me that they experienced harsh or loveless childhood; they felt actually children most of the time. They are an adult on the outside, but on the inside, they are just an angry, hurtful and lonely child who trusts no one. According to psychology, part of that person’s unconsciousness that represents the child he/she once was and manifests a sort of feeling, thinking or behaviour to the surrounding environment around him/her. With such an explanation from part 1, I hope you have a quick understanding of how the inner child affects our life. A mirror is a perfect reflection of who we are right now. It shows us our body in a transparent way. When we look at the mirror long enough, sometimes, we can see more than curves and contours in the right places. We look hard enough and we can see where it hurts the most. When we stare hard enough, we notice our scars are accentuated in ways we never thought, and we are almost convinced we will ever be scathed.
For continuing with part 1 of Wounded Child- Broken Adult. I’d like to share with you 7 ways of how to heal your wounded child for a happy you. I was one a wounded child and I had healed myself to become a best of me and a happy adult, and I want to help you to achieve the same too.
- Decide to let go
There is a high chance that this person who hurt you is not worth leaving alone and you are tempted to go upfront and lay claims and accuse.
If this is really how you will be able to let it go, please be brave enough to do what you have to do.
If you do not commit to letting go, it may never go, and you may be left to deal with this painful feeling as long as you live or worst, as long as the person lives.
Now, imagine a life that is dependent on others for true happiness. There is no saying that you ever get that kind of leverage on a gold plate, you need to get out that and grab it. In this case, you need to commit yourself to letting go.
2. Express your pain
The power in expression is not only limited to the gains we get from day-to-day conversations. It transcends the physical benefits in many ways.
You can tag it a spiritual exercise because nothing beats being brave enough to get the toxicity out where it belongs.
There are several ways to express anger, pain and hurt from the past- venting to anyone that cares to listen to anyone, but, what is wise is venting to friends. A good and experienced friend will keep you going until you have attained climax.
Another thing to do is write about it. Write it somewhere on jotters, write a letter to yourself and be as naked as it is.
Be fearless about writing on your past. Sharing is not compulsory, but penning things down will do you a lot of help.
3. Stop blaming continuously
It is okay to acknowledge a situation once and be done.
As much as I can’t tell you how to grieve and so many others can’t too, for your own sake, you need to quit blaming continuously. Doing that would only mean that this person still has a hold in you.
The more you acknowledge what this person has done to you, the more intense the pain becomes.
You need a lot of looking away and moving on. No one can change the past, not even you or your blaming strategy can. So, as the river keeps flowing, keep moving.
You are not a victim forever; you should not live like one. Your Life is so much more than what you have been through. While your past may have effect cited some areas of your life, it should never be something to determine every single step and phase of your life. If it is so, you are giving it too much power and too much power is precisely what continues to fuel the anger.
4. Focus on the present
To be rid of last events totally, there is a need to focus on the present.
Focus on all the strengths you have worked very hard to garner and all the great things you have working for you right now.
Even if the present is still filled with lots of imperfection, wear them proudly. Embrace all the things you have right here and now.
Focusing on the present when things are great will make you appreciate what you have now, focusing on the present when things are not so great will also help you learn and cope with all that you have at hand.
A lot will begin to twitch in your heart when you go days, months and eventually years without dwelling on the past. You will find out that although healing is gradual, it is not unachievable.
5. Forgive yourself too
A lot will begin to make sense to you after years of an event, and you may soon start to realize that you also had a part in the downfall.
You are allowed to forgive yourself too. You will not be letting go totally if you see a reason to forgive the person you were in a rift with but fail to see a reason to forgive yourself.
This is why forgiving yourself is as crucial as forgiving yourself in the healing process.
6. Let the tears fall
A long stare, a little stare and we spend ample time just wondering about the past and the people in them; a tear falls sometimes. Why won’t it?
We just saw how unkempt, scared and lonely we used to be. And we know that deep down, the anger that flares, the wrath that adds gasoline to an inferno, the timidity when we are approached or want to contact- all of it can be traced to a little lost child.
Why won’t the tears come flowing like rivers when all we have become is now a shadow of our past.
You know what? Let those tears come flowing. It is the first of the first things to do to become healed and enjoy a beautiful adult life.
7. Talk to a therapist
There are so many ways to let out all those feelings. Talking to a professional is one of the best ideas after writing.
There is a special aura attached to something with the therapist. The professional knows exactly how to get you to talk and also knows the things to say to make you let go.
If it becomes too difficult, the therapist also knows to refer you to any other professional you will need.
In conclusion, each of us deserves a best life possible, but in the world nowadays, we still have so many people who get into drug, suicide, have cancers, depression and so on due to a broken life that a lot of us experienced at an early age. Now than ever before, we need to stop these problems from being aggravated for this generation and create a great positive ripple effect for the next one.
Please understand that your inner child is an actual part of your sub-conscious mind – a wounded child demands your passion, attention and kindness as no-one else can heal his/her distress, hurtfulness and suffering and help him/her to make reconciliation with their yesterdays.
Ha-Le Thai is an Amazon multiple bestselling author, international speaker, coach in parenting, health and wellness. Her work has appeared in WMAG, She society, 9 Honey, Female.com.au and many more. Ha-Le is living in Sydney, Australia.